So this isn't really a funny or possibly even entertaining post but I'm stressing out (and obsessing, imagine that- 'cause I'm usually so calm about things) about it so I just want to get it down on paper (or, virtual paper I guess). I pulled a folder of the older writing that I did a few years back and I didn't recognize the author at. all. I was in awe of how her words flowed and her embedded humor made me jealous. Who was that girl? She was so funny and alive- where did she go?
I struggle to write my once a year Christmas letter now and I used to write every day. Not just the length of a Facebook status either, like actually write- with multiple paragraphs and semi-colons and stuff- and I loved it. I know I'm older...I don't want to talk about it but I know that but really? Like four years makes that kind of difference? I don't think so. I'm pretty sure that I can attribute this BLAHHHHHHH Sydrome to taking antidepressants. I was on two of them for a long time because apparently I was just that ridiculously sad...or crazy, whatever but two months ago I dropped one of them. I thought that was the answer because the one that I was left with was the one that I had done so well on in the past. Still though...numb...nothing...non creativity...no highs, no lows...just here.
I'm not entirely sure how to explain it any better but it really concerns me that taking a medication can alter a person's emotions this much. I did just call my doctor to see him tomorrow- I'm open to getting off these all together or trying new medications but all I know is what's going on right now is not working.
Not that there are a whole lot of you out there (tap, tap, hellloooooo???) but anyone who has light to shed on the whole 'antidepressants are makig me numb and totally uncreative' please jump in on the comments........two friends have just suggested that I'm not depressed but going through menopause. Ummmm, exsqueeze me? Seriously? Am I THAT old?
Hell, whatever. If it takes away That Time of the Month then I say BRING. IT. ON.
But I say it without enthusiasm and very flatly because I lack the ability to actually get excited about things.
Suburbian Siren, who hopefully will figure out what makes her right in the head soon.