As it turns out...

...I think I'm going to like the idea of being gluten-free.

I'm drinking wine right now and it's gluten-free. Actually I'm drinking Prairie Fume which I think technically counts as wine- I mean I've been to the winery where they make it, seen the vineyards where they grow the grapes, taken the tour, mocked the tour guide- pretty sure it's real wine.

It's not in a wine glass but even if a kitten is born in an oven it isn't a bun, right? Therefore even if it's not in a wine glass it can still be wine? Right.

I know it's working to calm my shit down because this shitstorm-

-is currently on my kitchen table. Usually this table is clear of EVERYTHING otherwise my OCD makes me tremble, shake and rock back and forth mumbling about everything being OK and as you can clearly see, I'm good...I'm even able to type in complete, mostly coherent, sentences.

This week has been big for me. First of all it's the middle of February- this is usually the week when I have my annual mental break-down (I'm already on meds so if I have that annual break-down this year I'm pretty sure they're going to have to commit me which...sounds appealing since I can sleep in a clean, quiet room without children for a few days). So far so good and it's even been a doozy of a week. I found out that my poor G'ma is on the outs- officially on THE outs. Like the hospice people are willing to let her stay on because they're pretty sure she's got less than a month. In her current state I wouldn't want to live much more than a month anyway- poor woman- just stares out the window oblivious to life. And to round out this amazing week I found my first true love, let's call him Chip- not because that's his name but because he always looked like a chipmunk when he was younger- full cheeks and lips. He was the Ultimate Bad Boy and I was the Good Girl. Anyway, Chip and I had what could most easily be described as a volatile relationship. Mostly during our supposed 'on' times he was grounded- worked out great (note sarcasm).

One such time he couldn't call me because ***say it with me*** He Was Grounded. A mutual friend of ours asked me to accompany me to his homecoming dance. Because I knew this mutual friend was gay and I loved and respected him I agreed to go. No biggie- he's gay, right? We're obviously going as friends. Chip got wind of this and went off the deep end. Not pretty.

Anyway, that was the last I heard of him except for a phone call I got from him a few years later after he got out of rehab (did I mention he was a Bad Boy?- rawr!) and that was it. He vanished off the face of the earth for the last 20 years. Because I was the Good Girl I always wondered and worried about him- did he makeit through college, go to jail, get married, stay 'clean'? When I was working for a law firm I tried to use some software to hunt him down- but to no avail. I contacted his high school reunion coordinator but of course, being the Bad Boy, he wouldn't be attending a reunion. Another dead end.

Of all the mainstream, common places to locate someone, I found him on Facebook. Figures- what the FUCK did we do for information before the internet? Appears he's found his place in life and is doing well. I keep thinking maybe I should drop a line to say hi but then I think that nothing good can come of that.

Alright...it's over. The wine is gone and I need to go to bed because these little monsters will be up before I can count to 10...and after two glasses of wine counting to 10 might be a seriously challenging task.

TKW, who is pretty sure now that she's found Chip and purchased plaid bras (also once on my 'Bucket List'...I have low expectations, what can I say?) it is safe for me to die...I have pretty well accomplished the things I needed to get done...