Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Wherein I Go to the Grocery and Live to Tell About It

So the last month as has been somewhat of a mid-life crisis for me. The unfortunate part for me is that instead of buying some really unsensible (which is apparently not a word, but it should be) car that only fits me and a few shopping bags or getting a tummy tuck or a boyfriend...or anything fun really, I've decided to become healthier.

I know, sucks, right? It's like the time I got all knocked up and craved...fruit. Who the hell DOES that? I wanted to crave double-chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting or Big Macs...not fruit. Lame.

"Honest to God," I thought to myself when I realized what had happened, "you can't even do a Mid-Life Crisis properly." The moment I realized this I was staring at the 5 bazillion types of flours and starches made by Bob's Red Mill on the Woodman's shelf.

"You really are lame, you know that right? For the amount of money you're about to spend on this xantham gum and almond flour you could practically buy a little sporty Lexus or get rid of that extra skin the spawn left behind when you bore them," I chided myself.

"I know," I said solemnly. Head hung in shame.

The good news is the guy who was busy stocking the shelves had no idea what he was putting on the shelves and therefore didn't make eye contact with me because he was probably afraid he'd have to answer a question about which flour I should use for baking versus cooking so he just ignored the crazy lady talking to herself.

Despite that I had some oatmeal before going to the Woodman's I was STARVING by the time I got home. STARVING (said in the most pathetic manner...this is how Adeline says she's hungry every morning, even by traditional rabbit standards she is kind of over-dramatic). So I made myself a veggy patty (which is really more like veggie  spread by the time you get it off of the pan...mooshy but tasty), had some lentil chips (which really are quite yummy) and poured a Zevia Cola to drink. I have to wasn't that bad. I mean, it's not Big Mac but I didn't feel deprive. Here's my lunch (and Agnes's hand photo bombing).

Perhaps I didn't feel SO deprived because I wrapped it up with a few of these guys...
OK, so two is technically a serving but since I had nothing but somewhat healthy food for lunch I indulged in three. OK, totally honest? I indulge in three each time I eat these. I can't help it. They are somewhere between amazing and freaking orgasmic...I just can't stop myself.

Alright, tomorrow I will attempt to do some gluten-free cooking...wowza. The shit I do to try to get healthy and lose a bit of weight.

SS, who is proud of herself for not freaking out in the middle of Woodman's in sheer panic and terror...and I'm even weaning off of Cymbalta this week...see? big changes...