Saturday, May 11, 2013

Usually I charge but this advice is free

I spent the last four months working (and getting an actual paycheck- squeeeeee!) to declutter and organize my friend's house. It was an amazing experience and as a Virgo I ate that shit up. Purging, organizing, label making, cleaning, it was the most fun I've had since I walked into a certain attorney's office in Chicago back in 2001 and went to town organizing the shit out of his 1800+ asbestos cases (orgasmic! holy smokes- a Virgo in a room where she is allowed to organize, label and file things is like giving a pig a fresh, hot steaming pit of mud to roll in).

One of the things my friend couldn't get a handle on was her daughter's room.

"How on earth do you get Agnes to keep her room clean?" she asked me one day as we looked into her daughter's room which I had reorganized and decluttered not once but twice while I was working there yet still looked like it had been hit by a rampaging pack of starving weasels searching anything- ANYTHING- to eat or chew on.

I really didn't have a good answer at the time but after today...I do.

Hey H- 

So, you asked how I keep Agnes's room clean and tonight I have an answer for you.

Apparently the clutter creeps in a little at a time until I finally really notice it and it drives me nuts. Then I turn into a raving lunatic and go around the perimeter of her room launching all of her shit into a huge pile in the middle of the room ranting and raving about how she needs to clean up and if she doesn't bed bugs can hide in all the clutter...

...and then I get drunk.

That's how we keep sanity (a term I am, for all practical purposes, using VERY loosely at this point) and organization. I hope that you will learn from my awesome expertise.

I didn't even charge her for that piece of advice- it was a like a little insider tip from me to her- I hope she can extract some good ideas from it.

SS, who might have lost her mind today with the constant piles of SHIT her family kept leaving all over the house...


  1. So the kids are scared of you when you're mad, which is normal. But then they're really scared of you when you're drunk? OK, I have never seen you drunk, but I think this would be interesting to see what happens to their piles of junk once you have a few drinks too many.

  2. I seem to have a clutter problem. I know this because someone who lives with me and is apparently a lot like you tells me so. Often. Maybe you could come visit me and help me clear out this clutter and I could ply you with alcohol?

  3. Oh my kids aren't scared of my ever...which is a major downfall I'm finding out. I can definitely de-clutter for the small price of a good adult beverage- I'm a BIG fan of the peaceful feeling once things have been purged and arranged properly! :)

  4. I think my 13YO daughter has the same de-cluttering gene which you obviously also possess! She cleans and organizes with deft skill and purpose! I should send you a pic of what she did to our pantry!


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