Tuesday, November 19, 2013

I don't even deserve the cigarette than I so willingly earned...

Last week my cute cheeky OB/GYN was like, "Yup honey, you're old and it's time to get those titties checked out."

I was all, "Ouch. Ouch, man. That hurts. Not the act of the mammogram but the fact that I'm like old enough to even qualify for that kind of shit."

She was like, "Too bad, so sad. You're not dead and if you don't want to be you'll go get the twins peeked at. End. Of. Story."

Meh. I made the appointment and didn't think about it too much other than to tell my SIL, Jane, that I was doing it.

"Wow! I can't wait for when my time comes because if the technician can pop these suckers I get new implants on the insurance company's dime."

That WAS worth getting excited over. Saving $6k? Huh, good point, I thought. I packed an overnight bag in my car right away in case that happened (and then I crossed my fingers really tightly).

This morning I got up and had to figure out what to wear. It couldn't be too fussy because I'd have to undress and redress in this room. On the other hand you have the fact that I live in Wisconsin and it's hella cold outside right now so it was fo' sho' going to need to be more than a tank top (note to self: next time move somewhere warm or reschedule for summer months...but remember to NOT wear a maxi dress).

I came up with this.

I love these neon corduroy's because they are a spot of brightness and funshine in our eight months of winter.

And this sweater? I don't know why I bought it. It had polka-dots on it and was pretty thick for a cardigan...looked warm (BONUS!!!! It had long sleeves instead of 3/4 length sleeves!) and cute but I had NO use for it. Today might actually be the first time I've worn it in over a year because up until this point I couldn't make it work. Not only did I make it work in a fashion sense but I also MADE it work because I needed a hundred little yellow polka-dots sending their sunshine down on me today for the dreaded mammogram.

I will spare you all the details but here are a few things of note:
1. There is a lot of manipulation in a mammogram...lots.
2. It didn't hurt at all.
3. You can see your boob on the tray through the clear plastic plate which is kind of funny but I kept getting in trouble because I'd look down at my squishy boob and then my chin would be on the image instead of the expected subject (read: boob).

After the nice soft-spoken, ridiculously patient technician had bid me adieu- which was all I got, a "good-bye" no sticker, no lollipop and no cigarette which I truly felt I had earned after that much intimacy- I headed on my way like I hadn't just been completely felt up by a total stranger.

I went to my safe place- Target.

Now to be honest with you since we are unsure as to whether or not we're moving I've been in a stalemate as to whether or not to buy things. I've been leaning toward the 'not buying things' and heavily into 'purge the hell out of any room I can' methodology of releasing my nervous energy. So why head to Target where you spend money on crap you know you don't need?

Excellent question.

Because apparently Agnes and I are responsible for bringing a bag of potatoes to her Thanksgiving celebration feast whateveritis in Kindergarten. AND wouldn't you know I just went to the World's Largest and Cheapest Grocery Story YESTERDAY before the letter with our contribution came home. Of course I did.

That is why I was going to Target. Now almost every Target in the free world has a grocery section which makes it nice for days like this when you NEED a bag of potatoes to be turned into the school by tomorrow.

But then as long as I was there and still recovering from my boobage manipulation I decided to walk around and see if there were things that I might need (silly thought...there are always things we NEED at Target even if they aren't on our list or if we don't even know they exist until we actually see them on the shelves and then pick them up and fondle them for a bit).

I like to cruise the end-caps because that's where the Clearance items like to hang out and wait patiently for new homes. These are the items that have been replaced by the latest and greatest of the new season, poor, poor clearance items.

My sunshiney polka-dotted sweater shone brightly at Target. I got a super cute Audrey Hepburn t-shirt (perfect for under a black blazer! $4.98) and then this...oh...my...my...$11 for a cute throw? Well, let's pick it up and see. I mean it's cute and it would go with my pillow covers...hmmmm...

Now here's what I don't get, if it WAS $7.48 why is it now $11.46? Really? They raised the price and though we wouldn't...

OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!! This darling soft throw that I had no idea I needed until this very second is NOT $11!!!! It's $1.86! Uh, yes please. I DO need this.

(Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I think that was my reward for making sure that I really did follow through on my mammogram appointment...thank you Shopping Goddess!)

After that I hit a few thrift shops. Here's the thing, when I got thrifting I expect to come home empty handed. It's hard to go and have expectations when you are relying on what people donated to stock the store. I have been on the hunt for a Gap/Old Navy navy blue checked shirt for a few weeks now. It seems like the thing I see all the time while I'm thrifting...except when I need it.

First stop today was St. Vinnie's. They were having a designer handbag event. I couldn't go there, I looked but as much as I wanted to believe they checked to make sure those were real Kate Spades I was over it. Instead of a found a super cute black lace peplum top...it's so cute that I already own it in cream but love the way it hangs out of outfits so for $4.14 it was mine!

Then I hit Savers. I wandered around for a long time and found nothing. I found some 'almost' things but then they weren't quite right. As I was about to leave the store I thought I'd hit the first rack I started at 'just in case' I had missed something in my shell-shocked state that I often begin each thrift store with-- and then out of nowhere...there...it...was...

The elusive Gap navy blue checked shirt for $7.99...in my size...tried it on and it fit!!!!! Truly I have been rewarded handsomely for keeping my mammogram appointment today. I mean really, I don't even feel entitled to that cigarette anymore.

SS, who might just make a mammo appt. every month if these kinds of bargains are the reward...

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Special du Jour: Cottontails- or something like that...

Every other Wednesday is a rather pleasant night in our house. Because in year four I finally felt like I could carpool with another mom to cheer. Due to this fabulous arrangement I get two nights a month when it's just Agnes and me. It's so wonderful and it feels like she's an only child- soaking up all the attention that is usually being divided up 25/25/50%...yes, even now Edith requires the most attention at all times.

But every other Wednesday is a little piece of bliss for both Agnes and myself. Quiet. Time just for her to be five.

Tonight is one of those every other Wednesdays. Agnes started kindergarten with a bang and never looked back. The first day we walked her into her classroom she just said good-bye and went on her way. The second day of kindergarten she climbed up the hill at the end of the day and announced, "Mrs. Lennartz got sick today and went home so we had a sub" like this shit happens all the time. Poor Mrs. Lennartz was sick for the next two days and never once did Agnes bat an eye at it, it was as if she had been in kindergarten forever and teachers get sick and that's just how it is when you have to have a substitute. Unfortunately for Mrs. Lennartz all the moms at pick-up like to chat and by the time the second day of having a substitute rolled around we had her all sorts of knocked up with her second kid.

As it turns out, she really was just sick...and not pregnant. Our gossip at the top of the hill is always so much more interesting than the real truth.

My point in all this rambling is that Miss Agnes just kind  of started the school year like an old pro and sometimes even I forget that she really is only in her third month of full-time, honest to God, real school.

Since it as quiet tonight I remembered that and we chatted about the day. She told me who has to turn their cards to yellow (for being naughty) and who got to help the poor little girl who had surgery this weekend after a rather freak accident that all the town knew about the next morning. Then I asked, "What was for hot lunch today?"

"Well, I had a chicken sandwich. I like hot lunch, I want to have it everyday. I'm not picky when it comes to hot lunch."

Really, I thought...wonder how much of that lunch you actually eat, since you never, ever, ever eat anything that I cook at home.

No joke, Agnes probably goes to bed hungry five nights out of the seven in a week because she doesn't eat dinner. As my friend's kitchen sign says, "Tonight's Menu is: Eat It OR Starve". Agnes almost always chooses the safe route with 'Starve.'

"What fruit or vegetable did you have for your lunch today?" I asked knowing that is a hard-core rule that they have to have something that grew on a tree or in the dirt on their plate.

"I had cottontails," she said as she munched on her pizza (this is one of the 2/7ths of the week of the week she ate since it was a recognizable, three-ingredient entree).

"You had what?" I asked.

"I had cottontails," she said again.

"What is that?" I asked wondering how in the hell I missed that on the menu.

"Cottontails are a kind of fruit that you don't know about," she explained very matter-of-factly.

"Oh. OK. Well, what's it look like?"

"Well there are grapes in it and peaches and pears..."

I started laughing, "Do you mean you had fruit cocktail?"

"Yes!" she exclaimed happily.

I was also happy to know that she was eating fruit and not part of what might come off of Adeline for dinner if I ever catch her chewing on my new couch.

Today is my weekly volunteering day at school. I spend almost the entire morning going between their three classes and doing whatever it is the teachers need me to do. It's a great reminder that I once had a great teaching career and that I really probably shouldn't ever do it again as being in contact with that many kids for that long of a period is not a mentally healthy situation for me.

It was cold and I needed something comfy and warm. I had been eyeing up this cream sweater in my closet that I bought last year. I kind of feel like a marshmallow when I wear it but I thought today if I put on tall brown boots and a scarf is would look less S'mores ingredient and more like a piece of winter clothing. I think I made it work.

The scarf was a score on a fabulous girls' week in Florida I took a few years ago. It was lovely. (and now that I see the sweater in a picture I feel like it's much less marshamallow-y than it was before I lost those 15 pounds...perhaps it wasn't so much the sweater that looked marshamallow-y as it was ME that looked that way...hmmmmmm, ouch, the truth hurts...).

Once I had to actually head outside today I had to throw on a jacket, again, as it turns out, I should have gone with the parka. I did graduate myself from a vest to the jacket but I was still freezing. Those 10-30 mph. winds did not bode well with my cute red jacket. This jacket was a great find on a a Target clearance rack last year. Probably something I would have never paid full price for but I love that I got it cheap and it adds some fun and brightness to my closet without feeling guilty about a high price tag.

I know people say, "If you wouldn't buy it full price, don't buy it on sale, it's a waste of money." I agree to some extent but then again, I don't NEED jackets in every color under the rainbow but it's certainly fun to play with them and I don't feel as guilty if I'm not paying full price- it's a fun way to add variety without busting the budget.

And that's all I've got for today. Nothing new on the relo front, just in the same holding pattern. I wish I knew but then again every day I don't know is one day longer that we can work toward finishing out the cheer season here (which is good since I'm about to write the last two big checks for the season...it makes no sense to pay for the whole year and then leave without finishing it, right?).

SS, who seriously starting to rue her decision to type this entire post without wearing socks...brrrrr...it's getting chilly up in here!

Monday, November 11, 2013

What to wear, what to wear...snow's a flyin'!

So I have a closet full of clothes and every morning it's the same thing, "OMG! I have NOTHING to wear!" And every day I hit Pinterest to help me pull my life together, it's amazing how many stylish girls there are out there.

I say 'girls' because they are cute and little and when THEY go in for their annual OB/GYN Touchy-Feely Appointment I'm pretty sure their doctor doesn't end with, "Aaaaaand, yeah, it's probably time for you to get that first mammogram scheduled now that you're old...I mean 40...I meant to say we should schedule that because you're 40, not because you're old..."

Sheesh. Between that and the fact that there is a legitimate layer of snow on the ground today I wish I could just crawl back into bed and sleep the next few months off.

Anyway, I'm not pretending I'm young and I'm not pretending I'm a great photographer nor that I don't have wrinkles or that I didn't have to take my pictures in Edith's mirror because mine is in an area of my room that is too dark to see.

So today I remembered once that someone, maybe Trinny & Susannah, said that pink and orange were basically MFEO...Made For Each Other.

I busted out this cute orange Old Navy gingham shirt that I thrifted a few months ago and a great raspberry cardigan that I scored at a super high-end boutique here in Wisconsin. It's called Wal-Mart, ever heard of it? I'll be honest, I will shop ANYWHERE and buy things if I like them and they are of good quality. This cardigan is long and the knit is nice and thick and the price was right, about $13. Can't beat it with a stick.

I also added a turquoise necklace from my favorite accessory joint, Sam Moon. I bought this a few years back for a Halloween costume. I was a squaw and Gru was a cowboy, we figured somewhere in US history a cowboy and a cute Native American gal hooked up, right? Super PC, I know. Point is, if you're going to buy stuff for a Halloween costume, be sure you can use it again. Just a little money saving tip from me to you.

Like I said, it's snowing here today so the multiple layer thing is not just trendy and fashionable, it's downright necessary. In order to head to the dreaded Touchy Feely Appt. I had to layer up with a scarf, vest and my trusty rain boots. As it turns out I should have said, "Screw it" to the vest and put on my parka, that blowing snow was not impressed with my awesome fashion sense.
A lot of the girls in my 'hood are obsessed with Hunter boots. They HAVE to have them (just like everyone has to have a Pottery Barn couch- which is, indeed, a post for another day). I liked them but not enough to shell out $140. Alas, I did need dry feet in our wet Midwestern falls and springs. What was a fashion-savvy, yet penny-wise girl to do? I did more homework (as usual) and came up with an equally water-proof, fashionable boot that I love. The Kamik Jennifer Rain Boot- they are awesome and a fraction of the price of the Hunters. Score yours here at Amazon. Again, my photography isn't great- these are black and I have a cable knit boot sock added to them for a little something extra.

It has stopped snowing now but there is a howling wind outside. Love. It. (sort of)

Which brings me to my next point which I shall keep brief.

I am not a Dallas kind of girl as far as I'm aware; I'm more of your Austin breed. Sadly when you are job hunting and there are jobs in DFW you quickly start to find all the great things you can about your potential new city. Today I added to the list that Dallas is like pretty far north in Texas- practically like Southern Oklahoma north- which means that while it won't be as freaking cold as it is here in the winter I will still see seasons change. Maybe not as dramatically but still, the seasons will change and I do like that. I like to layer up and wear jeans. I'm looking at this as a positive and my list of positives for DFW is getting longer by the day.

No decisions have been made, interviews are still in progress and we won't know for quite some time what is going to happen but right now my heart is leaning toward north Texas. I'm pretty sure that today Dallas isn't sitting under a snowy white blanket that is insulating the cold weather around them.

SS, who will be glad when this process is over because as a planner, I need to plan and this is throwing big wrenches in my shit...