Friday, January 11, 2013

Well that was short lived

So much for my totally awesome outlook on the new year and writing. At least I got two entries in before I flaked.

The rest of the week saw me continuing to be a very, very good girl and only have a Diet Coke on Monday at lunch. I was drinking a Diet Coke a day- like a little treat for myself in the afternoon. Surprisingly I haven't missed it as much as I thought I would. I've also been working to slim down on the gluten intake...that's hard. However between the lesser gluten intake and not drinking Diet Coke I see less bloating in my stomach...losing weight? Meh, not so much.

Stupid scale.

I started a zumba class this morning. I pretty much felt like a big idiot doing it but at least I was a smiling idiot who was having fun. I have to admit that I was pretty skeptical since the one time I saw a zumba class in session it looked a lot like something that might have been featured in a National Geographic special on African tribal rituals.

"Well then why in the hell would you have signed up for it?" you might ask me.


That is indeed a legit question. Well, here's the deal. I've been taking this great cardio sculpting class for the last two years and the results have been 'good'. Not 'great', not' poor' but 'good'. My butt has been lifted, my legs are stronger but my gut. Ugh, what used to be fabulously flat and amazingly tight before my children...not so much anymore.

Kids ruin everything that's nice.

True story.

Anyway I needed more cardio in my regiment. Running is out because I think running is dumb (note to self: locate and purchase '0.0' sticker) and swimming is too early in the morning (5:30 in like 2 full hours before the sun comes up) and last time I tried that I just took on blubber, like a whale, as so kindly noted by the Landscape Nazi.

Zumba appeared to be the only other logical option.

After my first zumba class I'm amazed to say that I really truly love it. It's less African-tribesy-dance and more adult hip-hop. My instructor is cute as a button and has moves like Rhianna or J. Lo (definitely more awesome than Jagger, sorry Mick) and I think in 50 short minutes I've developed a Girl Crush on her- don't judge.

So that was my Friday in a nutshell (of course I left out the part about how I was an AWESOME mom and went to school for lunch, stayed for recess, then came home and worked on cheer bows for the sale AND then proceeded to make a dinner of Chicken Picatta, mashed cauliflower and peas...oh yeah and THEN I went to the cheer holiday party and rocked out a front walkover and a bridge kick-over- not bad for a nearly 40 year old broad...I mean, not to brag, yeah...I can still tumble a little bit!)...

SS, who should go to bed but will probably stay up and watch some mindless show and chill out...unless Candy Crush gets in my way and then I'll play that for awhile...because I'm like seven...

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Stupid...but effective

As we covered in yesterday's post I will be turning 40 this year. I think that's stupid but better than the alternative...I guess. Although there are days when I think that if I were dead I would at least be able to do some shit in peace- figuratively and literally, I guess. Yesterday I was hoping to be indisposed in the bathroom for a few moments- not to get graphic but as I tell my kids, "If it eats, it poops," and as you can reasonably conclude since I'm still alive (and turning 40), I eat...therefore...I poop.

Anyway, just like five minutes. That's all I wanted. When we built this house we decided that making our powder room (a/k/a half bath) a pass-through from the entry to the laundry room would be very convenient. Two pocket doors that easily slide open apparently make it way too convenient for my family to resist. My hopes for a five minute Time Out while I enjoyed emptying my bowels was a pipe dream and a half. Every single freaking person in my family was in that bathroom with me and the only reason the damn rabbit wasn't in there is because she's too afraid to come onto the ceramic tile.  Honestly- smelly...get out. Forget the privacy I'd love to have, save yourselves- smelllllly. Whatever- you deal with the consequences.

Where was I? Oh yes, occasionally wishing I was dead just so I could get things done without four other people 'helping' me which, believe it or not was not the point of this post at all.

Where I was originally going is that I'm not getting any younger and keeping my weight where I'm happy with it is becoming an increasingly difficult task.

Today I attempted to do a good job eating healthy, I started with water and oatmeal and then at 9:25 am my plan was shot to hell. Twins called and announced that she was coming over because her cleaners were coming and her dog, Twinkles, is afraid of the cleaners and could they come down.

But of course.

She shows up and hour later with a huge grocery bag- leftover Chinese and some cheesecake with fresh berries.


I am weak.

The rest of the day I was snacking. And for dinner we were on the run as usual and I had a Subway sub- flat bread, turkey, American cheese (because I can't cut the cheese...I mean I CAN cut the cheese but I can't cut it out of my diet- so sad am I for the poor people who are lactose intolerant), spinach, tomatoes and cucumbers with fat-free honey was good. Not as fabulous as my mayo laden preferential option but meh, it was edible. I had water instead of soda.

I mother fucking HATE eating healthy and I'm only on day #1. Stupid. So crabby.

Then THIS arrived at my house:


The Omron HBF-514C Full Body Composition Sensing Monitor and Scale. It seems innocent enough just sitting there on the bathroom floor.

This thing might be the most amazing machine since R2D2- no joke. It can tell me not only my weight (stupid), but my BMI, body fat %, skeletal muscle %, resting metabolism, body age and my visceral fat level. I thought I was amazed by weighing myself pre and post-poop on my regular-old-run-of-the-mill-digital-scale...this little guy might just rock my world.

I'm not happy with my weight right now- I get that I've been too thin in the past and don't want to go back there (I'm kind of just saying that but at this point I'd take it over my current state- gaining weight is easy- losing, meh...not so much) but this thing has given me hope in my numbers other than weight that what I've been doing at the gym for the last three years is working. My body fat and muscle information looks good- really good actually and motivates me for the BS that I just signed up for this session. I'm taking rumba for the first time ever. I'll probably look like a total asshole doing it but it has to be better than running.

As starving and freaking crabby as I am right now I am motivated to not eat like I might have this late at night just because I felt a twinge of hunger. Things are moving in the right direction...the unfortunate part about my OCD personality is that I must use the Omron 514 completely naked. If I thought I couldn't get any privacy whilst pooping I'm sure as hell not going to be able to use this thing without a certain family member I know who can sense when my clothes are off no matter how far away nor how busy he was moments before.

Privacy be damned.

SS, who is going to do some push-ups and jumping jacks and then go to bed a very crabby, yet somewhat satisfied, girl...

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Day...the first.

Do you see that?
Right you see it?
Yup, that's right- opening. It's the place where my Christmas tree was until about 3 this afternoon when I couldn't stand it anymore.

I don't know why. Usually I'm sad to see the Christmas tree go. I get into this melancholy state where I'm sad that all the hype that comes with the holiday season is over. Like that (snap!)...all the ads, all the excitement, all the holiday music, all the twinkly lights...done and gone.

But this year I was ready for it to go away. I've been feeling for awhile that things have to change. This is a big year for me. 10 years of marriage (holy SHIT, we made it)...I turn (gulp) forty. There. I said it. That in and of itself is a big step for me. Not calling it my 10th anniversary of turning 30 or anything clever like that. Just forty. Plain old...forty. My oldest daughter turns 10. We celebrate (counts on fingers...) EIGHT years of living in Wisconsin. Big things on the horizon.

Anyway, we had a fairly uneventful evening here for NYE. It was perfect, one of my best friends and her family was here to chill out and each of my two older girls had a friend spend the night. Simple and easy. I took the girls to Coscto before the big event for some milk (yup, totally out...I'm a responsible mom like that) and some sparkling cider for the kiddos to ring in the new year with, bitches (see how I didn't end that sentence with a preposition? ba-bam!).

By the time we got to Costco I had some very tired and hungry girls on my hands. Agnes hopped in the cart and we strolled in after being carded. The second thing on the 'Welcome to Costco, Now Please Spend Some Money' section was the sparkling cider.

"Sparkling cider!" I announced as I placed the four pack in the cart.

We continued through the store, milk (two gallons) and a case of juice boxes and we were done.

As we headed to the check-out Agnes began to panic. "Mama! We didn't get the sparkling juice!"

"Sure we did," I assured her as I pointed to the plastic-wrapped package of four green glass bottles.

"That's not sparkling!!!!!" she protested.

I thought for a moment, not...sparkling...

I just busted up laughing. Apparently the lack of glitter on the bottle was throwing her off. Without glitter this was CLEARLY not sparkling cider, duh!

Love her.

SS, who is back, and ready to start writing again and working on herself

P.S. Happy new year to you...if anyone is reading this at all, I've never been one for resolutions but this year I think I have a few, how about you?